quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
