Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
