Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
