roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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