could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I came so hard my ears popped.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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