The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
