don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
