when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
