All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
