It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
