I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
