I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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