all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
