haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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