she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
