we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
