isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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