Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
