That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
