Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
