im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
