Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
