Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
