The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
