he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
