Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We are two peas in an std pod
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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