What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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