in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
MIDGETS
????
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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