do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
