I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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