i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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