weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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