Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
