Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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