My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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