Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
