he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
