Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
