It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
tell me about the eggs
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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