I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
