the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
