Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
