Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
