before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
