im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
