just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
