She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
