I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
