Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
