dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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