i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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