I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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